It has taken me almost 40 years to tell my story. Wow, time flies. I’m old! But I wasn’t when I married straight out of college. My ex moved to the west coast during our engagement (while I finished my last semester) for a job.

I flew out with my mother to find an apartment during our engagement. I should have known something was up when my ex didn’t have time for an intimate exchange during that visit. I was 21 yrs old. Naive.

I joined him 6 months later in our new home, straight from our wedding & honeymoon. And yeah, I should have known something was up when he chose an outing to Polk St. in SF v an intimate night with me during our short honeymoon. But I didn’t.

My ex would leave for ‘work’ @ 5AM & wouldn’t return home until mid-nite sometimes later. Yeah, when did he sleep? Now, I was 22, a bride, and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t interested in me. However, I always thought it was strange that his secretary was rude to me.

This went on for 2 yrs. It wasn’t until I was meeting him for a late dinner & he cancelled last minute. He suggested I hang out with one of his work collegues. I kiddingly asked him if I should have sex with him, too. My ex’s answer? I don’t care. YIKES.

So after 2 yrs of my ex telling me he didn’t want to be sexual with me I filed for divorce. It was quick, no kids involved, no real assets. He wanted out.

I didn’t talk to him until 12 yrs later — he had changed jobs a couple of times over those 12 yrs. He said he was happy my father’s friend didn’t cut off his legs. My father’s friend kiddingly told him if he hurt me — he would cut off his legs. He also said he didn’t want to get married at that time, he just didn’t think my father would let us live together. My ex was remarried at this point with a child. I too had remarried and had 3 children. My life went on.

Yet lo and behold, in 2001 when I rekindled my friendship with his work collegue I said, “Gee, what was wrong with my ex? ” I thought he must have been gay.

No, not gay. He had a girlfriend from work when he married me. And yeah, it was the secretary. It took me 26 yrs to understand what went wrong.

The ex ended up in Florida circa 2005. I only knew this because he was working at an establishment that a dear friend frequents. And one day my ex and his wife dropped into my friend’s business to buy something. My friend didn’t let on that she knew who he was or that she knew me.

Well, that job didn’t last long. My ex was once again transferred —  for dating an employee.

That wouldn’t happen in 2019 as easily, with the #MeToo movement. Or maybe it’s still happening & one day someone will expose him. As for me, I’m glad I got away fast & still young.

And I’m really glad I learned how to play tennis during that lonely marriage because all of the hours spent on the tennis court & my 2 handed backhand sure help me box. I do regret not having worn sunscreen.