It has taken me almost 40 years to tell my story. Wow, time flies. I’m old! But I wasn’t when I married straight out of college. My ex moved to the west coast during our engagement (while I finished my last semester) for a job.

I flew out with my mother to find an apartment during our engagement. I should have known something was up when my ex didn’t have time for an intimate exchange during that visit. I was 21 yrs old. Naive.

I joined him 6 months later in our new home, straight from our wedding & honeymoon. And yeah, I should have known something was up when he chose an outing to Polk St. in SF v an intimate night with me during our short honeymoon. But I didn’t.

My ex would leave for ‘work’ @ 5AM & wouldn’t return home until mid-nite sometimes later. Yeah, when did he sleep? Now, I was 22, a bride, and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t interested in me. However, I always thought it was strange that his secretary was rude to me.

This went on for 2 yrs. It wasn’t until I was meeting him for a late dinner & he cancelled last minute. He suggested I hang out with one of his work collegues. I kiddingly asked him if I should have sex with him, too. My ex’s answer? I don’t care. YIKES.

So after 2 yrs of my ex telling me he didn’t want to be sexual with me I filed for divorce. It was quick, no kids involved, no real assets. He wanted out.

I didn’t talk to him until 12 yrs later — he had changed jobs a couple of times over those 12 yrs. He said he was happy my father’s friend didn’t cut off his legs. My father’s friend kiddingly told him if he hurt me — he would cut off his legs. He also said he didn’t want to get married at that time, he just didn’t think my father would let us live together. My ex was remarried at this point with a child. I too had remarried and had 3 children. My life went on.

Yet lo and behold, in 2001 when I rekindled my friendship with his work collegue I said, “Gee, what was wrong with my ex? ” I thought he must have been gay.

No, not gay. He had a girlfriend from work when he married me. And yeah, it was the secretary. It took me 26 yrs to understand what went wrong.

The ex ended up in Florida circa 2005. I only knew this because he was working at an establishment that a dear friend frequents. And one day my ex and his wife dropped into my friend’s business to buy something. My friend didn’t let on that she knew who he was or that she knew me.

Well, that job didn’t last long. My ex was once again transferred —  for dating an employee.

That wouldn’t happen in 2019 as easily, with the #MeToo movement. Or maybe it’s still happening & one day someone will expose him. As for me, I’m glad I got away fast & still young.

And I’m really glad I learned how to play tennis during that lonely marriage because all of the hours spent on the tennis court & my 2 handed backhand sure help me box. I do regret not having worn sunscreen.

Milicia warned me about sexting. I should have listened. A ‘pretend’ family friend (someone who had hurt me many times in the past) experienced a tragic death of a family member. He turned to drugs and alcohol and would call me in the middle of night, telling me how much he wanted to be with me. One time he drove more than 60 miles to my house in the middle of the night, drunk. I wasn’t going to let that happen again.

A. I didn’t want to be sexual with him because I knew he lied about and to women.

B. With the quantity of substances in his system he wasn’t capable of sexual follow-thru so he was of little use to me.

C. I didn’t want his germs.

So I did the easiest and safest thing during one of my middle of the night babysitting sessions - I sent him an intimate picture of myself with his promise he would delete the picture.

The middle of the night phone calls continued for years and he continued to talk about the picture he had promised and obviously not deleted. But I kept my distance because the guy became even more involved w drugs, using every excuse in the book why he needed drugs - bad back, sinus infection blah blah blah.

This continued for years & eventually we had zero contact. Thank goodness that was over.

I was in Florida Cinco de Mayo, 2013. I hadn’t seen the drug addicted liar for years and when I went to swim my laps — suddenly he was in my fathers driveway on a bicycle!

I said hello and went to the pool to swim. As I was leaving the pool & getting into my father’s car he came up behind me again on his bicycle and said, “VANESSA,” startling me. He got into the passenger side of the car and told me how much he wanted to be with me. Of course I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said he didn’t. I knew he was probably lying and told him I needed to be at an appointment.

He continued to call and text me thru out the day and eventually I saw him. He RODE his bike to my father’s house, went over to the liquor cabinet, and loaded up on my father’s booze. He was so high he couldn’t perform — but he kept trying.

The next weekend my friend told me she saw on Face Book that he had sent someone who calls him ‘baby’ flowers for Mother’s Day. “Thank you Baby.”

I confronted him. I said, “So you do have a girlfriend.” He said my thinking he had a girlfriend based on flowers was ridiculous.

I had done a little bit of homework before confronting him and it became crystal clear he had once again lied about having a girlfriend.

I said, “What would your girlfriend think if I told her you had sex with me and then went home and had sex with her (or vice versa), how would she feel?

His response? Not hard to guess. He said “If you tell her I will post the picture you sent me online.”

I told him I had been waiting for years for him to threaten me with that. Of course that was a risk I wasn’t going to take. I had already heard he shared my picture with willing creeps.

He’s at the top of the bad guy list. Thank goodness states are beginning to criminalize Revenge Porn.

Cell Block Tango

Time has flown. It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve posted. So much has happened & at the same time some things never change. Look for updates over the next couple of weeks & as always, comments welcome.

As for me, I’ve spent the past couple of years tending to my garden Up on the Roof & trying my best as I go about my daily routine.

It’s not so bad. It doesn’t hurt. It’s confusing. It doesn’t make sense. But hurt? No. Some people were meant to be solo and I appear to be one of them.

Sea of Love

Keep reading »

I am looking forward to being able to report something nice about a man in my life.

Most recently, I was wooed by a man who repeatedly told me I turned him on when he thought about me, heard my voice, or saw my picture.

Literally no cigar.

Many byes.  The last time I talked to him I told him I didn’t want to be disappointed and heard a pause.

I am disappointed.

Up on the Roof

And we thought it was just Vanessa who has an addiction to sexting.

Read Pew Internet “Teens and Sexting” – How and why minor teens are sending sexually

suggestive nude or nearly nude images via text  messaging.

I have been looking for the name of the person who sings the song “Go Baby.” It’s Lupe Fiasco.

I heard it in my cousin’s car but I didn’t know who sings it — just knew that I like.

Go Baby

Well Vanessa’s sweet talker won’t be talking again. He was involved in a gruesome bizarre happening. I’m not going to say anything bad about the dead (I feel bad for his mother.)

Sweet talker was in Vegas gambling, taking pills and drinking. He rarely mixed sex with gambling (he often mixed drugs with alcohol) but something went wrong on November 9th. According to his friend Robbie, he left the black jack table with a woman. Ends up — the woman wasn’t a woman but a man who lured him into her (not) room, tied him up, and shot him.

RIP sweet talking man.

CM Punk/John Morrison: You’re So Vain

I’m finishing up some projects and can’t tell a tale at this time — there’s no rush.

Dancing in the Moonlight– in fact a full moon tomorrow (11-2-09)

King Harvest.

So once again my friend with benefits (that I never saw) has let me down. Every time I think the “relationship” is over — he calls or texts sweet talk (ok… lies).

HE: No one else does it for me

ME: You’re giving me a line

HE: No — I wish it WAS a line — but it’s not. It’s the truth. I hear your voice and …

ME: You’re giving me a line

What about the girl you were dating? You haven’t seen her since March?

ANOTHER LIE —  a picture shows up online of the two of them at the beach - and the picture is recent.

He never even took me out for dinner or for a drink.

Click on link below:

YOU’RE NO GOOD — Linda Ronstadt